I've not been too well these last few weeks, the depression's been rearing it's ugly head again and I've been finding it hard to get on top of it. When I'm depressed I go into auto-pilot mode. I'm up and running (well, kind-of...) but I'm really just going through the motions until I can lie on my bed and close my eyes. Then I go into shutdown until it's time to get up again. Restart. Auto-Pilot. Shutdown. I'm basically a robot.
However, I have been trying very hard this weekend to keep myself out of bed, but not do so much that I make myself feel unwell. It's a tricky balance, but you get the hang of it after a while. So yesterday, James and I spent the afternoon wandering round a National Trust castle, and then we walked all the way around the top of the moat, and, because I live in the Fens (very, very flat) you could see for miles. The air was all fresh and clear, I was with my lovely boyfriend, and it really made me feel better.
Then today I dropped James off at the station, got home and started feeling all down again. So I forced myself to get up, got into my car and went swimming for an hour. Sheer agony, it was, but BRILLIANT!! I felt AMAZING after I'd got out of the pool, so much so that I think swimming might be some miracle wondercure for me. I'm going to go twice a week from now on. I went onto google and typed in 'swimming + depression' to see if there was some sort of scientific evidence to explain my change in mood, but most of the websites were about the health benefits of swimming with dolphins. I don't ever want to swim with dolphins. They're sinister.
What's great is that my body actually made some endorphins instead of letting them slide into my pillow while I sleep/doze.
Oh, and I haven't smoked for a week. Hurrah!