Saturday, July 28

Smack my bitch up!

My doctor prescribed me Valium yesterday. I'm not a Stepford Wife or anything, it's for a genuine reason. I am flying to the Alps in a couple of weeks and am completely TERRIFIED of flying. What I liked most was the speed at which it was prescribed. I was in and out in a few minutes. Before I leave I have to have a 'trial day' to see how it affects me and to make sure it doesn't make me catatonic. I am really looking forward to this! I'm going to set myself Krypton Factor style challenges for the day and see if I can overcome them. And if I can I am going to purchase a bucketload more Valium off the internet and spend the rest of my living days in a blissful fug. If I can't get more Valium I hear smack has a similar effect...

Sunday, July 22

I maketh movies

I'm making a short film for James at the moment. But I got bored so I made this one of my rabbit.

Friday, July 20

bah

I poisoned myself this week (by mistake). I attended a 2 day cookery course, but all the food was French and Thai and too rich for my delicate tum, so I've been sitting on the toilet more often than I'd like for the last 24 hours and it's very unpleasant. It's not fair. James ate all the food too and there's nothing wrong with him! I had to lie at work today and cry migraine after lunch because I didn't want any of my colleagues to laugh at me for poisoning myself. So I managed to pass off my stomach cramps as head spasms.

Then I came home, had another poo and slept for 6 hours straight, waking up at 9pm.

Oh well, Harry Potter tomorrow. If nothing else I can read it on the shitter.

Sunday, July 15

Arty farty

I thought it'd be fun to have a go at drawing myself using a nifty website today. But my picture makes me look like a cartoon character with Down's Syndrome (really, it does).

Check it out (it takes a few secs to load, bear with it)

I think it was the addition of the tongue wot did it.

Death by Caffeine!!

My boyfriend's mum talks a lot, mostly very quickly and about her holiday home in Wales. But the other day she told me that 22lb of chocolate would be enough to kill a man, and I was immediately interested. I'm sure that chocolate can kill you, as it contains caffeine and theobromine (the stuff that's fatal to dogs). But I didn't know that you could calculate how much of your favourite food or beverage it'd take to drive you six feet under. I entered my weight and drink of choice (Starbucks Tall Latte) into the calculator. It would take 152.97 coffees to kill me. Presumably these have to be consumed in fast succession, without any breaks. I'm not quite sure that is possible. I can't even manage two coffees from Starbucks without having to rush to the loo after 15 mins and eject elephantile jets of water into the bowl. I imagine my bladder bursting would be a more likely contributer to my death than 1 million milligrams of caffeine.

Friday, July 13

FINGERS CROSSED!!

Got home yesterday to a letter from HSBC Customer Services saying that if I didn't respond to their letter dated 19th June (which I didn't receive) then they'd 'consider the matter closed'.

The address at the bottom is the one I wrote to when I was trying to reclaim my bank charges from them.

So I called HSBC this morning and they confirmed that it was connected to my bank charge claim and that the original letter was an offer letter. They are resending it to me today. She wasn't allowed to tell me how much it was on the phone but she did she it's 'in relation to my original claim', which was just over £1500.

I am hopeful, but shall await my letter before I get too excited.

Anyway, I'm off work today so am determined to try and relax and have a nice day. I have £70 in Topshop vouchers from my birthday to spend, so might get the bus to Oxford Street later on.

Saturday, July 7

For my birthday I mostly...

... stayed up for hours watching ITV's Quizcall. I implore you to check it out here or here if you have not done so already.

'WORD BEGINS WITH AN 'A', END'S WITH AN 'E', WHAT CAN IT BE? A FRUIT. IT'S A FRUIT. THINK SWEET. THINK JUICY. THINK...

*RING RING*

HELLO GORGEOUS WELCOME TO QUIZCALL, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?'

'JOAN'

'HI JOAN WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM TODAY, DARLING?

'ESSEX, APRI...'

'AND WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER?'

'...COT. APRICOT?'

'APRICOT! THAT'S A BRILLIANT ANSWER, LET'S HAVE A LOOK...'

*NEE NAAWWWW*

'OOOOHHH JOAN, SO CLOSE, NEVERMIND, SUCH A GOOD GUESS! COME ON EVERYONE, PICK UP THOSE PHONES, IT MIGHT NOT BE IN A STRAIGHT LINE ON THE BOARD, REMEMBER, IT MIGHT BE SNAKING ABOUT, SNAKING ABOUT! IT'S A FRUIT. 5 LETTERS. FIRST LETTER 'A'. THINK 'PIES', THINK 'CRUMBLES'

*RING RING*

'HI CALLER WHAT'S YOUR NAME?'

'D-D-DAVID...'

'HI DAVID! WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM TONIGHT?'

'CARLISLE'

'AND WHAT ANSWER DO YOU HAVE FOR US ON QUIZCALL TONIGHT?'

'OBBOJEAN'

'SORRY DAVID HONEY, WHAT WAS THAT?'

'AUBERGINE'

'AUBERGINE? OK, LET'S HAVE A LOOK AND SEE IF IT'S THERE!'

*NEEE NAAWWWW*

'OOOOOH DAVE HUN, I REALLY THOUGHT YOU HAD IT THERE! NINE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY ONE PEOPLE ON THE LINE NOW. WE'RE LOOKING FOR A FRUIT. FIVE LETTERS. MAYBE SOMETHING YOU'D GIVE TO A TEACHER OR PUT IN A FLAN. IT COULD BE UPWAYS, DOWNWAYS, SIDEWAYS, DIAGONAL-WAYS. IT COULD BE SNAKING ABOUT ON THE BOARD. IT COULD BE ANYWHERE. TWENTY THOUSAND POUNDS. JUST ONE PHONECALL GUYS. ONE PHONECALL. THINK WHAT YOU'D DO WITH THAT TWENTY THOUSAND POUNDS. OH, THE THINGS YOU COULD BUY!'

Wednesday, July 4

This is your life...

It's a bit of a quiet night tonight, James is out working and I'm not panicking or crying for once. With my 26th birthday coming up I have found myself reflecting on the past 6 months, since I moved to London.

Last year I was disillusioned with my job and unhappy at being so far away from my boyfriend. I was going nowhere. I was only working part time, and the PGCE course that I wanted to do alongside my teaching job was shut down. I was living with my parents in the middle of nowhere. All of my friends were scattered all over the UK and I missed them desperately, like having a tummy ache. My debts spiralled out of control as I struggled to keep up with repayments on my limited income.

I have a dodgy tuna sandwich from Waitrose to thank for all that's happened since then. If I hadn't had food poisoning then I'd never have had the revelation. I remember this light-bulb moment distinctly as the moment that changed my life.

It was as easy as filling in a form and having an interview. I was offered a place at the first university that I applied to. The application process was so fast that I never really had a chance to worry about it.

In November I had a job interview in Walthamstow to work as a Personal Tutor. There were 5 other interviewees and I didn't expect much to come from it. I mean, it was a huge College in a massive city and my only experience was making films with country kids! Crazily i was offered the job.

'Great', I thought, 'I can start planning my move to London'. I was delighted at the prospect of renting a place with James. But then I realised I'd have to rehome my two beautiful bunnies as I'd never have enough room for them in a tiny flat. Handing my Big Bun over (who I'd had since he was a baby) was gut-wrenching. I managed to sustain a brave face through it all, but only because I'd spent the prior week booing and hooing like a baby whenever I heard him thump his back foot.

January came, and with it moving day and my first day of work, just two days apart! After 2 very stressful days (and two flat tyres!) I suddenly found myself thrown right in at the deep end and addressing my first class of 30 London youths. It must have been terrifying, but I can't really remember. i was so busy trying to cope with all the changes that the familiarity of the classroom was a comfort to me. This was my territory. I could do this!

In February James and I got a new addition to our little family, Cheeky the rescue bunny, and we are both completely in love with him (even though he accidentally bit James last night). I started looking into sorting out my financial issues, as I now had a regular income to use as a bargaining tool. I spent this entire month opening all my scary bills and threatening letters and adding up all my debts. It was SO hard, I can't even begin to tell you, and I was so ashamed that I didn't share my fears with anyone, because I was worried about being judged. It took two months to set up properly, and a lot of sitting with my fingers crossed hoping the banks would be nice to me. But now I am in a debt management plan that allows me to pay off what I can afford every month, and I don't get nasty letters any more!

No time to breathe yet, I'm afraid, as there was the small issue of university finance to sort out. This is a trial in itself. I had to go back to being 18 again and filling in all the grant and loan forms.

May saw the arrival of my first assignment from university. June saw me trying to sort out a primary school placement for September. And at the end of this month I'll have to start thinking about giving in my notice and getting ready for the first day of term. It won't stop, but I have accepted that life doesn't. It uncoils like twine and you have to ride out every rough patch and savour every single fleeting moment of happiness. I love living with James, I still get a flutter in my tummy when I see him walking home from work up the hill. I enjoy making him ham sandwiches for lunch every day and running him baths. Crouch End feels like home. Just down the road I have a great doctor, a dentist and an AMAZING bakery that sells beautiful doughnuts. I also have my best friend within 15 minutes walk, and that is something that, after 3 years of living hundreds of miles away, I will NEVER take for granted.

It's slowly, slowly clicking into place. There are definitely stormy times ahead, but now I have the benefit of hindsight.

Oh, and did I mention the several times my hot water/washing machine broke down, the time my car was clamped in South Kensington and the unexpected MOT bill for £400? No? Well, I coped with them too!

Monday, July 2

Baby Chicken... continued.

I guess I'm not the only person that was confused by the 'Baby Chicken' sign outside Western Fried Chicken in Walthamstow. I looked out for it from the bus today and saw it had been changed to 'Half a Baby Chicken with Chips and a Bread Roll - £2.50'.

The sign is still flawed. It's the use of the word 'baby' to describe a small poultry carcass. Why not 'small'? It's less age-related and doesn't make you think they're flogging newborns. And why hike the price up by 50p? I'm sure inflation hasn't risen that much in the last 5 days...

Do Google searches and that...

Google