"Yes, but I am going to kill the baby."
"Ahhh, but you might not."
And now, 3 weeks in to my first block placement I have full-blown influenza. It began rapidly, in a department meeting, and within two hours I was reduced to a shivering, achy wreck. Trial and error has produced a few brief moments of respite, and I will share these with you here:
- As soon as you feel the symptoms coming on wash down 1000mg of echinacea with a glass of effervescent vitamin C (1600% RDA) - repeat every morning for the duration of the illness. Have a further 500mg echinacea before bed every night until you are better.
- Move any portable heaters etc into the bedroom for the bedridden phase, and get partner/friend to hump tv within eyeshot of the bed.
- Lemsip makes you feel even shitter. Cheap paracetamol and Covonia bronchial medicine are MUCH more effective, produce warming sensations in your rattly chest, and don't make you nauseous.
- Don't stay in bed all day and don't make a bed on the sofa. Instead install a sleeping bag on the sofa and get inside that when you fancy a change of scene, or you fancy yourself awake enough to attempt watching Jeremy Kyle, Trisha or cable equivalent.
- NEVER GET DRESSED. There's honestly no point. You'll be forced to give up within 30 mins and will have to go through the rigmarole of taking it all off again and crawling into your pyjamas.
- Have a bath every day, adding 15 drops of tea tree oil. This is a natural virus killer. The warmth will help with shivers. Wash your hair too (don't forget to dry it properly).
- Only drink the following, water, tea, fruit juice. And drink LOTS of it.
- Never underestimate the power of a hot water bottle applied to an aching chest/head/neck.
I am off now to apply these methods and have a really, really boring day. Bye.
P.S. Yes, of course I killed the baby.