Monday, January 21

Introducing... Mental Lady Downstairs

She's never made an appearance in this blog before, but it's high time she graced these pages.

We live in an apartment block consisting of 7 floors. As a result of 100 people of so living in close proximity to each other I can often hear the people around me (muffled) flushing their loos, watching to their tvs (upstairs love EastEnders and American Idol) and making home improvements. It doesn't bother me much. I chose to live in this place so I expect to sometimes hear my neighbours.

Mental Lady does not seem to understand this as well as me. She comes up to my flat about once a month and says to my boyfriend and I that she can 'hear everything'. She told us that we 'bang things all the time' and that she can hear us 'moving around in our kitchen and going to the toilet'. She can also hear us 'dropping things' and 'hoovering'.

I really don't see what we can do about any of this, apart from lining everything in our flat that opens and closes with cotton wool, refraining from going to the bathroom, never ever washing our clothes and allowing our carpet to mount dust.

My favourite one is
'I can hear you opening and closing your front door to go to work every morning'.

I leave the house before James to catch my train. I'm really quite quiet. I have nobody to talk to and therefore just walk down the stairs and close the block door like everybody else.

We don't have our tv on loud (because I hate loud tvs). We only really listen to music on Saturday mornings. I vacuum in regular, daytime hours. We both go to bed before midnight and we have never had any parties. We have never paid our rent late and have an excellent relationship with our landlady.

She says that 'this flat, twelve, is always problem'. I don't know what to do! How can I tell this woman to FUCK OFF next time she comes round and tells us off for living in our flat?

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