I had a couple of weeks off last year for flu, and was doing really well, but then, well, you know... the stuff with Mum started happening. I haven't gone back to work since Mum's death on Jan 2nd.
I keep having flashbacks to my mother's illness. I find anything beyond pottering extremely stressful. Some days I can barely get out of bed, and neglect myself completely. Appointments scare the living daylights out of me, as I feel pressurised into keeping them. I know that this is depression bought on by my mother's death, I have suffered depression since I was 16, and have learned to live with it. I was doing SO well until all of this. I had a catch up session with a psychiatrist over the summer and he told me that I was doing 'very well' and was 'fully functioning'.
Last week my boss sent me an occupational health consent form to sign citing 'ongoing illness' and 'sick leave beyond what is normal' (or words to that effect). I signed it to agree to the assessment and sent it back. That's where I'm at right now.
My GP and I were going to try to get me back to work after half term, but this has thrown me into confusion. I have so many questions but these are the main ones:
- Should I hold out for the OH assessment and follow their guidance, or go back to school and try to muddle though?
- If the OH advises phased return (which is what I'm hoping for) are my school required to act upon their advice, or can they still drop me in at the deep end?
- If I take the OH's guidance can it lead to dismissal on the grounds of capability?
I don't want to lose my job. I love my job. I just can't do it right now.
I want to go back to work and try to have a 'normal' life again, but I'm scared that I won't be able to do it. Can occupational health help me with that? I don't know. I just want someone to help me a little bit, because I feel like I'm drowning right now.