Thursday, June 28


Ah, how my brain loves to fuck with me. I'd been cheerily whistling through this fortnight without a care in the world, then DOOM hit me on the 8.07 Silverlink to work and I have been anxious and paranoid ever since. All of my friends think I'm not worth a damn. I only contact them in the lucid periods between being up and being down. They never ring me. My boyfriend is just biding his time until he leaves me. He's had enough of putting up with my everlasting tiredness and panic attacks. My university is going to turn me down because I'm mental. I'm going to lose my job. I can't afford to live. I'm going to go bankrupt.
I look at what I've done in the last 6 months and it means nothing. I do not count each individual triumph, it's much more of a collective thing. I forget what I have achieved. I can only see failure ahead.
I'm going to look at this in a few days/hours and laugh at what a twit I sound. But right now I'm going to crawl under my duvet and sleep until I can work up the energy to interact with my boyfriend upon his return from work. Hopefully I will be able to pretend that everything is ok.

Will report on success of this tomorrow.

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