Swinging on my plastic chair and mouthing off at Mr Coote

Too many people from my old high school are populating Facebook. Time was, aeons ago (2005), that only the PC literate, or studenty types had such things as Myspace/Facebook accounts. Geeks, in other words, and that was fine by me, because those are the sorts of people that I like to be friends with, they are unassuming and generally nonjudgemental.

But recently Facebook has become a minefield of old acquaintances, some welcome, some VERY unwelcome. It almost makes you feel like you are back at school again, 'Ooh, why hasn't *insert generic schoolmate name here* added me as a friend, but has added *insert another generic schoolmate name*? WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LIKE MEEEEE?!'

I was not a particularly popular member of my class, I managed to combine mouthiness with uncoolness, which meant that not only was I hated for being a twat, I was also embarrassing to be seen with. And Facebook has me sat right back there on the left-hand-side of Miss Scoles's English classroom, being jealous of the other girls because they had Exclamation body spray in their Nike boot bags, or a perfect jagged parting.

So where have they all come from, these former gymslip mothers and playground bullies? It's because Facebook is everywhere at the moment, probably because the One Show talks about it a lot, or because they read about it in Love It! magazine.

Let the popularity contest continue...