Bipolar shopping

I have been really low for the last few weeks, but today I've been in excellent spirits since I woke up. I pranced around the flat at 6.30am, made James tea in bed, ran him a bath and skipped out of the door to school without a care in the world.

The rest of the day has been similarly hyper. I made another ill-timed AIDs joke to a colleague and charged around the school corridors with the energy of a frisky rabbit in spring.

Hypomanic episodes, I have discovered, can bring about wonderful things, two of which occurred today.

Firstly, they can make you teach amazing lessons that earn you excellent comments from pupils and fellow members of staff, as you whizz around the classroom effortlessly dealing with troublesome kids and exuding energy and wisdom.

And secondly, they make you do fantastic food shopping (not so fantastic for the bank balance, but I'll worry about that when I'm down again).

This is what I went into M&S for:
Single cream
Onion

This is what I came out with:
2 packets roast beef and horseradish Christmas special crisps
Pomegranate seeds (removed from pith)
Christmas pudding flavoured yoghurt
2 Pink Lady apples (which I wanted because they are pink on the inside)
3 bean salad
Tandoori naan bread
Instant microwave porridge
Single cream
4 organic onions

I hope I calm down by the time James gets home from work.

You Know You're Old When... No 3946

• You are confused and irritated by the layout changes made to your local Woolworths to accommodate a 'load of Christmas tat' (yes, I really did say that under my breath).

Now I don't know much about football...

... but I do know that, owing to the England's squad ineptitude, we have been saved a summer of St Georges flags adorning every available space, unreliable listings in the Radio Times and the casual racism that generally accompany every major football tournament that they have been just about lucky enough to qualify for in the last fifteen years.

It's going to be a good summer.

Can I get a 'hell yeah!'

Is that light I see there at the end of the tunnel? Are mine achy ears deceiving me? Could my lungs possibly be less congested than they were yesterday?

I have only left my house once in nearly 10 days (excluding two occasions where I dragged myself to my doctor's). Having taken a look at the list below, I think I am exhibiting early symptoms of cabin fever.

1. Feeling trapped and unable to get out.
2. Wanting to sleep more.
3. Feeling apprehensive and jittery.
4. Experiencing hallucinations and deliria.

Today I paced around my living room for 30 minutes before cooking myself an elaborate homemade curry. Now I am jittery.

Okay, so perhaps the best solution to this would be to leave my flat, go outside and actually do something but I might set myself back another few days, and I CANNOT deal with feeling ill anymore. Also, my doctor gave me very strict orders to rest until next Monday.

Anybody know any good puzzle websites?

gah!

Whilst shopping for an extra oil-filled radiator to take the edge off this freezing cold snap we're currently encountering I came across this rather terrifying toy on the Tesco website.

"This Fur Real Butterscotch Pony acts just like a real pony. She moves her head and ears, blinks her eyes and swishes her tail. This pony will become a friend as your child can enjoy hours of grooming, feeding and riding fun. The Fur Real pony comes with a carrot, grooming brush and an adoption certificate. Only £299."

I don't understand. How could anything that ridiculous possibly be worth £300. It's got a really sinister face and dead eyes. In the name of all that is holy go to the demo website and watch the tv ad.

Flu suxx

Working with children is perhaps one of the most hazardous jobs there is, in terms of germ transmission. I have not had flu for over three years, because previously I'd nip down to my mother's surgery for my annual jab. This year, however, I was denied the injection on my initial attempt to obtain it because I was also requesting the morning after pill, and I quote "it might hurt the baby."
"Yes, but I am going to kill the baby."
"Ahhh, but you might not."

And now, 3 weeks in to my first block placement I have full-blown influenza. It began rapidly, in a department meeting, and within two hours I was reduced to a shivering, achy wreck. Trial and error has produced a few brief moments of respite, and I will share these with you here:

• As soon as you feel the symptoms coming on wash down 1000mg of echinacea with a glass of effervescent vitamin C (1600% RDA) - repeat every morning for the duration of the illness. Have a further 500mg echinacea before bed every night until you are better.
• Move any portable heaters etc into the bedroom for the bedridden phase, and get partner/friend to hump tv within eyeshot of the bed.
• Lemsip makes you feel even shitter. Cheap paracetamol and Covonia bronchial medicine are MUCH more effective, produce warming sensations in your rattly chest, and don't make you nauseous.
• Don't stay in bed all day and don't make a bed on the sofa. Instead install a sleeping bag on the sofa and get inside that when you fancy a change of scene, or you fancy yourself awake enough to attempt watching Jeremy Kyle, Trisha or cable equivalent.
• NEVER GET DRESSED. There's honestly no point. You'll be forced to give up within 30 mins and will have to go through the rigmarole of taking it all off again and crawling into your pyjamas.
• Have a bath every day, adding 15 drops of tea tree oil. This is a natural virus killer. The warmth will help with shivers. Wash your hair too (don't forget to dry it properly).
• Only drink the following, water, tea, fruit juice. And drink LOTS of it.
• Never underestimate the power of a hot water bottle applied to an aching chest/head/neck.

I am off now to apply these methods and have a really, really boring day. Bye.

P.S. Yes, of course I killed the baby.

Pointless Blog Post no 10021

James and I bought WAY too many DVDs this week. We purchased:

That Mitchell and Webb Look
Freeway
Monty Python's Flying Circus Series 2
Monty Python's Flying Circus Series 4
Doctor Who - The City of Death
Doctor Who - The Talon's of Weng-Chiang
Psycho/The Birds
Bananas
Broadway Danny Rose

I can't really work out why we did that.